The most powerful life lessons one can learn are resilience, adaptability, and maintaining one’s integrity. While the world may not always align with our desires or expectations, the goal should be to navigate without compromising core values. Life requires us to adjust and grow in response to external circumstances, but this doesn’t mean we must bend our values to fit the mold. Embracing change and challenges with grace, while standing firm in our beliefs, is the key to thriving in an ever-evolving world. It is about balancing acceptance and authenticity, adapting to life’s unpredictability while remaining true to ourselves.

In any family, community, or society, disagreements are inevitable, and part of the process is learning how to handle them gracefully, even if it means walking away disappointed. My family often has differing opinions. We can never agree on what time dinner should be or whose house we’re gathering at for Sunday dinner. We deal with these differences by discussing and debating. While there’s no guarantee that the process will be done so calmly, there is a guarantee that someone will undoubtedly walk away defeated, and they must do so gracefully. In my family, agreeing to disagree is a common practice.

I have always taught my children that the world will not accommodate their expectations. They must be open-minded and flexible and learn to accept the good with the bad. This should be done with grace and poise while maintaining their core values and beliefs. The world is a constantly evolving place. To survive and be successful, they must be adaptable and willing to navigate change without losing sight of who they are. Success is not about having everything go as planned; it’s about how they respond when things don’t. Embracing challenges, learning from failure, and remaining true to their values in the face of adversity are the qualities that will carry them through life’s ups and downs. The ability to persevere, adjust, and grow in response to a changing world will ultimately lead them to success, on their terms.

The world I grew up in was all about winners and losers. My parents would never have understood the idea of challenging rules or laws to create a compromise. They were the supreme authority in their home, and the final word was always theirs; we always walked away disappointed. There was no room for agreeing to disagree – it was simply a matter of agreeing, like it or not. Protesting in my childhood home was akin to showering in gasoline and running into a burning building. We had better odds of survival challenging the burning building.

Were my parents right? Did they create emotionally balanced or respectful citizens of the world? I’m not entirely convinced, but their parenting style has tremendously impacted me. While I have borrowed some of their strategies, I’ve also learned what doesn’t work from the experience of living in a dictatorship. Keeping in mind the way I felt growing up under an authoritarian government has led me to learn to shift my approach to the world around me. Embracing discussion and allowing room for people to express their thoughts, feelings, and opinions will not cause me to burst into flames or drop dead. 

I have also learned that not everybody can get their way, which is okay. There is no practical way to ensure everyone’s happiness at all times. Saying ‘no’ is a skill that is not for the weak. It requires tremendous bravery – bravery for the reaction it will elicit, standing by one’s convictions, and weathering the fallout. Using the word ‘no’ should not be viewed as a hostile act. It is an opportunity to create a learning experience. Living in a world without dissent or disagreement only creates unrealistic expectations. No is not representative of restriction; it is a strategy that, when used correctly, can be the first step toward initiating conversation. The word no should always be used in conjunction with a reason. “No, because” is a phrase that opens the door to questions, and the search for answers satisfies curiosity. Discussion and debate are how learning happens – asking why opens doors to viewing situations from different points of view. It creates avenues for dialogue and debate.  Learning about each other’s differences and how to accept them leads to creating open-minded individuals who are willing to learn and welcome growth. Growth through learning how to accept and deal with diversity can only strengthen society and individuals. 

It is not an easy strategy by any means. Saying ‘no’ takes practice, patience, and the willingness to face uncomfortable moments. It requires navigating the delicate balance between standing firm in your beliefs and maintaining respect for others. But it is through this practice that we foster maturity, resilience, and emotional intelligence. When used thoughtfully, ‘no’ can set boundaries that protect one’s well-being and promote healthier relationships. It teaches people the importance of self-respect, responsibility, and empathy, creating a foundation for more meaningful connections. By embracing the discomfort of disagreement and understanding that not everyone can have their way, we open the door to true growth, not just as individuals, but as a society. The power of ‘no’ is a stepping stone to greater understanding, respect, and progress.

Does my way work better? I can’t say for sure, but I know it is not easier. If five adults cannot agree on what to have for dinner, how does one keep an entire nation of dissenters happy?