Mondays are proof that the universe has a sense of humor, and it isn’t kind. Psychologists and science can throw all the studies they want at me, but at the end of the day, Mondays still feel like stepping on a Lego barefoot in the dark. Here’s the truth: I don’t care what science or psychology says, I will always hate Mondays.

Science Ruins Everything
Psychologists tell us that Monday misery is all about contrast theory.  You float through the weekend on a bit of a serotonin high – brunch, naps, convincing yourself that your life is all about being fancy and free – and then boom. Monday kicks in like a dentist appointment you forgot about. The sharp swing from “weekend joy” to “weekday grind” makes Monday feel heavier than it probably deserves.

And let’s not forget about Sunday night. Studies show that we actually sleep worse on Sunday nights than on any other night of the week. Science calls it  “social jet lag.” Basically, your body is hungover from pretending bedtime was optional for two days. So yes, Monday is literally a hangover without the tequila. Thanks, science.

History Proves Mondays Were Doomed
The ancient Babylonians thought they were being clever when they named the days of the week after planets and deities. Cute idea, except Monday got stuck with the Moon. The Moon! Known for mood swings, madness, and general chaos. Honestly, that should’ve been the first red flag. Great start.

By medieval times, Monday’s reputation had gone fully sour. It was the dreaded market day, when peasants had to drag themselves and their turnips into town at sunrise. Nothing screams “start the week right” like bartering root vegetables that smell like dirt and taste like month-old cabbage while half-asleep.

And then the Victorians, never ones to sugarcoat misery, coined the term “Monday face.” Translation: you look tired, miserable, and already over the week that hasn’t even started. Honestly, they nailed it. Sometimes, history just gets you.

Old Wives’ Tales and Bad Vibes
Folklore has been dragging Mondays for centuries, and honestly, who can blame it? Take the old rhyme: “Cut your nails on Monday, cut them for health.” Which is adorable, really. People were so desperate to make Monday sound less like a death march that they rebranded it as a spa day for your cuticles.

Another gem: “Marry on a Monday, you marry for health.” This shows that even in medieval times, people were grasping at straws to make Monday sound useful. Nothing screams romance like a Monday ceremony.

Sailors, meanwhile, flat-out refused to set sail on a Monday because it was considered bad luck. Honestly, I don’t blame them; if I saw Monday on the horizon, I’d stay in port too.

And then there’s the famous classic Monday superstition: never wash clothes on a Monday, or you’ll wash away your good fortune. Honestly, that’s the best excuse I’ve ever heard for ignoring the laundry.

Modern Times, Same Old Garbage Day
Even with psychology, history, and folklore piling on the evidence, Mondays still won’t die. Workplaces have tried everything: casual Mondays, motivational posters, Zoom meetings in pajama pants, but none of these efforts have made a difference. Monday still feels like waiting in line at the DMV – long, soul-crushing, and unavoidable.

So sure, science can talk about circadian rhythms, history can hand me cute stories about peasants with turnips, and folklore can warn me about laundry superstitions. None of it changes the fact that Mondays are – and forever will be – the worst day of the week. Period.